


What's a Dentist's Favourite Time?

by splot



Series: Assistance Please! [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: BAD PUNS AND JOKES AHEAD, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, He's babey when he's drunk, Post-Timeskip, Secret Relationship, Snuggly kuroo, You Have Been Warned, drunk kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splot/pseuds/splot
Summary: Lisa’s underhanded toss lands the paper ball in your (thankfully empty and clean) mug, and you quickly grab your notepad and write a big “10”, holding it up like a scorecard while she pretends to cheer. You’re both giggling quietly as you read her response.Heard your hot boss in the break room talking to Okukawa before. He might actually come this time----Kuroo and Reader (his assistant and secretly, girlfriend) attend Team Bonding with the rest of the department. Kuroo gets drunk.Beware Dad Jokes.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Series: Assistance Please! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957594
Comments: 12
Kudos: 135





	What's a Dentist's Favourite Time?

You’re busy digging through the drawer of your desk for a pen when a crumpled up paper ball hits your desk, startling you. Lisa acts nonchalant from across the way at her desk, but her composure breaks as she nods at the ball.

You roll your eyes and open it, glancing at Kuroo’s closed door before reading it.

_Are you coming to dept. drinks tonight?_

Hmm. Your department did a ‘team bonding’ dinner and drinks once a month, but you had rarely attended – previously, this had been due to Kuroo working late those nights, but with your new relationship, you wondered if he would decide to attend tonight. You were still keeping it a secret, but one of the conditions of your relationship was that he never stayed late unless absolutely necessary.

_Not sure yet. Why?_

You look around to make sure the coast is clear before tossing the ball back. Realistically, you could email or text, even wander over to her desk, but Lisa seemed to enjoy the novelty of note-passing like high school students, and you were wearing your new heels that you hadn’t yet broken in, so you were disinclined to stand or walk unless you had to.

Lisa’s underhanded toss lands the ball in your (thankfully empty and clean) mug, and you quickly grab your notepad and write a big “10”, holding it up like a scorecard while she pretends to cheer. You’re both giggling quietly as you read her response.

_Heard your hot boss in the break room talking to Okukawa before. He might actually come this time_

When you look up, she’s wiggling her eyebrows, and you stifle the panic rising in your chest. You and Kuroo had been very careful – there’s no way she could know that the boyfriend you talked about now and then (out of his earshot – you didn’t need his ego getting any bigger) was actually the same person you worked for. You reassure yourself that she only referred to Kuroo that way because you had once said, in passing, prior to that fateful night where you’d stomped into his office, that you thought he was very attractive, both in personality and looks.

_Then unless he changes his mind and decides to work late again, I’m in. stop giving me that look_

The ball bounces off her forehead before landing in front of her, and she snorts as she reads it, giving you a thumbs up in acknowledgement before sweeping the note into the bin.

Subtly, you pull your phone from your pocket and send a text to Kuroo.

> **You:** _so are we going to dept drinks tonight?_
> 
> **Kuroo:** _are you on your phone at work?_
> 
> **Kuroo:** _what would your boss think!!_
> 
> **You:** _“my assistant has the best ass and the most beautiful smile”?_
> 
> **Kuroo:** _technically, you’re not wrong_
> 
> **Kuroo:** _Do you want to go?_
> 
> **You:** _sure! I probably won’t drink, but it’ll be nice to hang out with everyone_
> 
> **Kuroo:** _then we’ll go_
> 
> **Kuroo:** _now get off your phone_ ( ˘ ³˘)♥
> 
> **You:** _yes sir_ ~

As you tuck your phone back into your pocket, you hear a small crash and a loud curse from inside Kuroo’s office, and a moment later, he emerges with a broken coffee mug, his keyboard and a red face. As he drops the broken shards of his mug in the trash can, you keep your face straight, but you can’t mask the mischief in your eyes. You know exactly what caused his little mishap with the warning that flashes in his eyes, even as he sheepishly places the keyboard on your desk.

Lisa watches the exchange with a raised brow.

“Uh, do you mind running down to I.T. and grabbing me a new keyboard? My coffee spilled all over mine.” He keeps his voice even, but his eyes and the flush on his cheeks show that he isn’t as amused by the situation as you are.

“Of course, Kuroo-san. I’ll be back shortly.” You gather up the coffee-soaked keyboard and your keycard. “Shall I get you another coffee, on my way back?”

“Please.” He ducks his head in a small bow, and you have to bite your cheek to keep the giggles contained as he retreats to the safety of his office, away from your teasing grin.

When you return with a new keyboard and another coffee, he gestures for you to close the door behind you, and once you’re both safe from prying eyes, the keyboard and mug safely on the desk, he leans forward, forehead thumping against the hardwood. “Why do you insist on teasing me like that at work?”

“Because it’s fun?” You stand next to his chair, hands on his shoulders, massaging soothingly. “How was I supposed to know you’d have such a violent reaction to being called _sir_?”

He groans, folding his arms over his head as you laugh, albeit quietly so as not to betray your conversation past the four walls of his office. “It wasn’t _violent._ It was shock.”

He straightens a moment later, and you stroke his hair back, placing a kiss on his forehead, before grinning and rubbing at the lipstick mark with your thumb. “Sorry, Tetsurou. I won’t do it again.”

Kuroo huffs a long sigh, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your stomach while you continue stroking his hair gently. “S’been a long day.” He mumbles against your shirt.

“We don’t have to go tonight if you don’t want to. We can just get takeout and go back to mine for a movie.” You stroke your free hand up and down his spine soothingly, and he hums.

“S’okay. I know you wanna go, we can go for a bit.” Reluctantly, he pulls back, leaning up and you meet him halfway for a soft brush of your lips against his. Again, you wipe at the lipstick with your thumb, and he chuckles softly, eyes crinkling with his smile. “Not my colour?”

“We can’t both wear the same lipstick, Tetsu.” You deadpan, and he nods in acknowledgement, pressing a kiss to your thumb before nudging your hand away with his nose.

“C’mon, back to work. Sooner we finish today, sooner we can go.”

* * *

Of all the things you had expected to happen at Team Bonding, Kuroo getting drunk hadn’t been one of them.

You’d all finished up for the day, yourself, Okukawa and Katsuki carpooling with Kuroo to the Izakaya, Lisa jumping in with Rinko and Mei. Everyone had apparently been so enthusiastic that Kuroo had finally joined them that they’d kept ordering him drink after drink, and you’d watched with amusement as he downed each one, not wanting to offend.

The only problem with Drunk Kuroo was he got progressively dorkier.

_I mean, it’s not really a problem. It’s actually kind of cute._

“Okukawa-san, I have a joke for you.” Kuroo slams his glass down, loosening his tie. He’d unbuttoned the collar and rolled up his sleeves to his elbows earlier in the night, and if the tie came off, you knew it would be time to take him home. “Two chemists walk into a bar, and the first says, _I’ll have H2O._ The second chemist says _I’ll have H2O too._ And then he dies.”

It takes you a moment, but then you snort, hiding your laughter in your glass of water as Okukawa blinks in confusion. “That was terrible, Kuroo-san.”

“I don’t get it.” Katsuki pipes up next to you, and you gesture at him as if to say to Kuroo, _see_?

“H2O2 is Hydrogen Peroxide. The first chemist asked for H2O, which is water. The second one asked for H2O _too_ – _two! –_ which is hydrogen peroxide. So he died.” You explain, and Lisa shakes her head.

“The joke isn’t funny if you have to explain it. Hey, why do you know all that stuff anyway?” She asks you as Kuroo pouts into his drink. You shrug, tracing the rim of your glass.

“A friend of mine a bit of a nerd. He has a degree in biochemistry.” Kuroo frowns at being called a _nerd_ , but even drunk as he is, he knows he can’t say anything without giving away how well you know each other. Lisa seems to pick up that this _friend_ is actually _boy_ friend, but before she can jump on more questions about your mysterious boyfriend, you change the subject. “I have a better joke.”

“Hit me!” Okukawa pours another drink for himself and Kuroo, and you lean forward, grinning.

“A man walks into a bar… and says _ouch._ ” Your joke is better received than Kuroo’s and you beam victoriously, as Okukawa splutters into his glass and Katsuki roars in laughter.

“Kuroo-san, at least you’re pretty.” Okukawa gasps out when he finally clears the alcohol from his throat, and Kuroo’s frown deepens.

“I’ll have you know that my girlfriend thinks I’m hilarious, Okukawa.” Kuroo drops the honorific purposefully as he glances at you out of the corner of his eye, and you offer him a miniscule nod of reassurance that you do, in fact, adore his dorky jokes.

Okukawa and Katsuki groan, the latter rolling his eyes as the former thumps Kuroo on the back. “Again with the _mysterious girlfriend!_ Does she even exist?”

“I do have a girlfriend!” Kuroo exclaims, a soft, dazed smile spreading across his face. “She’s really beautiful, and super smart, and she gives the best hugs. She always laughs at my jokes even if they’re really dumb and sappy. She likes it when I’m being corny. She always makes me so happy.”

Lisa, Rinko and Mei all immediately chorus an _aww_ , and you can practically see the hearts floating around their heads as you hide your smile in your glass again.

“What’s her name, man? What does she look like?” Katsuki asks, tugging on Kuroo’s sleeve, but he shakes his head.

“Told ya, I can’t tell you yet. It’s a thing about her job.” He mumbles, draining his glass and refilling it. Part of him wishes he could just say it’s you, pull you close and wrap his arms around you, but the logical, sober (small though it may be) part of his mind knows why he can’t.

“Is she _famous_?” Lisa asks eagerly, and Kuroo offers a half-shrug as a non-response.

“Hey, Okukawa-san, I have another one for you.” You’re sure your change of subject is not discreet, but none of them seem to care as they latch onto the new topic, awaiting your joke.

“What’s a dentist’s favourite time?”

You pause for dramatic effect and as they all wait for you, you smirk.

“ _Tooth-hurty_.”

The groans that erupt echo around the Izakaya, and you laugh as various pieces of food get thrown your way.

* * *

“I think it’s time for Kuroo-san to get home.” Katsuki snorts as Kuroo continues trying to slur his way through a conversation with an equally sloshed Okukawa. You shake your head, laughing quietly.

“I’ll get him home. Think you can handle Okukawa-san?” You ask.

“How do you know where he lives?” Katsuki asks, brow raised, and you panic momentarily, colour draining from your face before you mentally smack yourself. You have a perfectly good reason to know where _your Boss_ lives.

“You know I do all his paperwork, right?” Katsuki tips a finger in your direction, as if to say, _right_ , _you’re his assistant, of course you’d know his address._ “I’ll drive him, then get a taxi home from there.”

He nods and you stand, moving around to Kuroo’s side of the table. He beams so brightly up at you that you almost forget what you came over to do, momentarily dazed by how beautiful he looks when he smiles like that. “Kuroo-san, time to go home.”

“Mkay. Okukawa-san’s got the bill, don’t you, Kawa?” Kuroo stumbles as he stands, and you catch him just before he topples over.

“Company card’s got the bill, moron.” Okukawa grumbles, waving the two of you off.

“Kuroo-san, your car keys, please.” You hold out your hand, and he pats his pockets, hands fumbling before his keys finally land in your hands.

“Can you even drive?” He asks, eyes unfocused as he looks down at you in confusion.

You roll your eyes, hefting your bag and his up on your shoulder, his jacket over your arm. “I have my driver’s license, Kuroo-san.”

This seems to satisfy him, and he looks around the table before his eyes narrow at Lisa, Rinko and Mei.

“Girls, go home soon, ‘kay? An’ g’home together, be safe. There are creeps ‘round these parts. I don’ wanna hear on Monday that any of you was left here to go home alone, got it?” He points a little to the left of them, and they stifle their giggles at his drunken concern as you roll your eyes again.

“We will, Kuroo-san. I’ll drive Rinko and Lisa home.” Mei reassures him, and he nods in acknowledgement. As he stumbles again, Katsuki rushes up to help you, slinging Kuroo’s arm over his shoulder.

“I’ll help get him to the car.” You almost want to turn him down, but you know it’ll look suspicious if you do, so you allow him to help wrestle Kuroo into the passenger seat and get his seatbelt on. “You sure you’ll be alright taking him home on your own?”

“Yeah, he’ll probably sleep it off a little on the way there, we’ll be fine.” You reassure him, digging in your bag and producing the company taxi cards from your wallet, handing him two. “For you to get Okukawa-san home and get home yourself. Just leave the receipts on my desk on Monday, and I’ll sort the rest out.”

Katsuki accepts them with a smile, turning to head back into the Izakaya as you open the driver’s side door, but he pauses and calls your name just as you’re about to get in the car. You wait for him to jog back, your hand resting on the open door. He looks a little nervous, fidgeting with cards in his hand.

“I was wondering… do you wanna maybe get dinner tomorrow night? Just us?” He asks, and you blink at him in surprise.

It wasn’t common knowledge that you had a boyfriend – after the flowers, you’d asked Lisa to keep it quiet, citing the superstitions around spilling a new relationship too early. Briefly, you hope Kuroo’s too out of it to listen to the conversation from in the car – you have no idea how he handles jealousy yet.

“Sorry, Katsuki-san. I’ve… actually got a boyfriend. He’s fairly prominent and our relationship’s still a little new, so I don’t really make it known that I’m in a relationship.” You try not to feel bad as his face drops, embarrassed. You have nothing to be sorry for, after all. He asked, you said no, and if he was as decent a fellow he seemed, then he would accept it graciously.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding when he nods and smiles kindly, raising his hands in surrender. “No harm done, right? See you on Monday.”

He disappears back into the Izakaya, and you slide into the car, adjusting the driver’s seat. As you pull on your seatbelt, you become aware of Kuroo’s gaze on you, glazed though it is. “He asked you on a date.”

“And I said no. I don’t think my boyfriend would be very happy if I’d said yes.” You tease, and he hums happily, reaching over to rest his hand on your thigh.

* * *

Another thing you discover about Drunk Kuroo on your drive home is that he’s very clingy.

_Again, not really a problem._

When you can spare your hand, he takes a hold of it, playing with your fingers as he hums along with the radio, pressing kisses to each fingertip and nuzzling into your palm when you stroke the side of his face soothingly, trying to lull him to sleep.

“Hey, you’re really, really pretty, y’know?” He mumbles, and you glance at him out of the corner of your eye as you pull up to a red light. He’s smiling softly, a little awed at you as he presses his lips to your hand again. “You’re… you’re like… You’re my sunflower. I like sunflowers. They’re so bright and beautiful. Like you.”

“And you’re really drunk, sweetheart.” You pat his cheek before pulling your hand back to the steering wheel as the light turns green, focusing on the road.

“Hey. I love you, y’know?” He hums, resting his cheek on the shoulder of his seat, eyes closing. “I told you, when we went on th’picnic. You were as-sssssnoozing. I wasn’t brave ‘nough to say it while you were ‘wake. I said, _I think I love you._ An’ _I think I have since we met. You’re something incredible. It might be too early to say this, but that’s why I’m doing it now, while you can’t hear me. I hope I never lose you. I couldn’t stand it if I did._ ”

So you hadn’t dreamt those words, what feels like a lifetime ago, on your first date. He’d actually said them, and they’d wormed their way into your dream. You’re not sure how to respond, but you’re saved from it, when you look over and find him fast asleep, face soft and content.

Getting him upstairs is remarkably easier, but now that you’re alone, he can be as cuddly as he wants. It’s both good and bad.

Good, because Cuddly Kuroo is your favourite Kuroo.

Bad, because getting Cuddly Kuroo ready for bed is a struggle.

“Hey, I really liked your shoes today. Like the heels. You looked really nice in them.” He wraps his arms around your waist as you try to get his tie undone and his shirt unbuttoned, but he keeps trying to drag you back on the bed with him.

“Thank you, but can you please sit still so I can get you in your pajamas?” You ask, and he huffs, letting you pull his shirt from his arms and grabbing his t-shirt from where you’d placed it beside him, helping him into it.

“’nd I really liked it when you called me _sir._ That was… that was hotter than when you let me… do stuff to your boobs.” He has a dazed look on his face, and a flush rises to your cheeks as you pull him up to stand, trying not to think too hard about it as you unbutton and unzip his trousers without looking, letting them drop and putting your foot on them so Kuroo can step out of them without too much hassle, handing him his shorts.

“Y’know, I wanted to… hey, wha’s the female version of a blow job?” Your muttered _oh my god_ goes unnoticed as he tosses aside the shorts you’d handed him in favour of clambering onto his bed as is, boxer-briefs and t-shirt. “ _Eating out?_ Yeah, that. I wanted to eat you out but I didn’ wanna do too much in one go. Y’still haven’t let me touch you, but s’okay, b’cause I wanna do it when you’re ready.”

Your face is bright red and you avoid his gaze as you pull the blankets up around him. “Go to sleep, you big dork.”

“Aren’t ya gonna sleep next to me?” He asks drowsily, frowning up at you. You had been planning to, but seeing where his train of thought had been headed, you had thought it might be better to stay in the guest room.

But seeing the way he frowns up at you, your resolves melts, and you nod. “Let me go get changed, okay?”

When you return in a borrowed t-shirt and the shorts he’d tossed aside, he’s sitting up in bed, frowning. “I thought maybe you changed your mind.”

You switch off the light and climb into bed with him, letting him wrap his arms around you. “I sleep better next to you anyway.”

“I do too.” He mumbles into your hair, and you can already feel him starting to slip off into sleep. “Think it’s ‘cause I love you.”

You smile into his shirt, your heart thumping in your chest. “I love you too, Tetsu. Go to sleep.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tooth-hurty.
> 
> get it, like 2.30?
> 
> That's my favourite joke. 
> 
> Some soft, drunk Kuroo for y'all. 
> 
> Love you all, stay happy, safe and healthy!


End file.
